Selasa, 10 November 2015

Welcome To A New Life!

After such a long time i have been bussier with my personal issues and work, finally i can get rid of it although there are still work left and i can writing blog again :)

Iam a wife of my past college best friend now. Unpredictable things happens in my life. I never imagine my life will come this far. Iam a housewife with unfinished work left. have to finish the work this month no matter what. I have no dream now. I am just doing by flow right now. My ambitions suddenly dissapear. And i don't know why.

Become lecturer or researcher was disspeared from my mind. I don't have ambitions to take Phd program right now. Poor me, right? The poorest thing is Bandung is no more my hometown anymore. Thas is the sadest thing that happened in my life. I miss Bandung and everything inside it so much!
Now I live in Prabumulih. Never imagine wander in South Sumatra. But the best thing is i have very very great husband now. He really care everything about me. And I really grateful to have him in my life.

I don't have any community yet in here. Stiil thinking the best way to reach it. Different culture, people, weather is shocking me. In the morning i cook for the breakfast, then i sleep again. At 10 AM I wake up to make lucnh and waiting for my husband to come home. After my husband going to work again, i can do whatever i want, like browsing, chating with friends in a phone and etc. I am doing that routines for almost 2 weeks. Once a week, theere were a gathering with my husband co-workers. I didn't say that was no fun, but i cannot being my self anymore. I have to adjust the conversation with them. Awkward moment been happended in there. I loose my self instead of adjust the conversation. Long time ago I always be the dominant person who take cares everyone to be comfortable in the community, but no more that role. I have to listen the boring conversation, being good wife, maintain manner, laughing when everybody laughing. Bored until death. And I am sad because of that. But i don't want to work in here. I hate work outside. I like work in home but i want some community too. I like important role in the community. I like being the center of the attention. And suddenly everything dissapear one by one.

Oh, God! What kind of life is this? I have no hope in everyhting i'vee been held for almost 8 years. Where will You take me after i had to fight to enter the college, and graduate my bacheloor degree, my master degree, and in my campuss too? I have carreer issues right now. Don't have any community and it makes me crazy all the time. There is no hope too if i get back to Bandung. Still confuse with what i like to do. Hope You will give the clue soon what is the best for me. Amiiinnn

And in the middle of my middle life crisis, my emotion go no good. I easily get angry with everything that went wrong from my sight. Included about my relationship with my best best friend. I angry with her without reason. Just because she hard to reach by phone or just to meet a while and didn't come to my wedding. She has protective husband who never let her out just for a while moreover her behaviour that like autism environment better than getting socialize with people. So, they are meant to be together. Really matched couple. They like stay in home for such a long time without keep the relationship with their friends. And i hate it. What i think right now is there is no need to keep communications with them since the person who always contact them is just me. I need them but they never need me. So why i should keep contact with them? If i want to meet her, i have to go to their home. If i want to call, i should call them first, and never had option to meet them in the outside. So i decide to keep the distance. I don't care. They should realize that socialize with people is important and have friends for their back is goood too. But they will never realize it. Because they just unusually people. They have their different thought. Sayonara pals...

I just complaining all the time. Long time no write and everyhting i wrote just complaining everything. Sorry for that. Hope all of you can understand me. Thank you.

3 komentar:

  1. semangat mami! walau gw ga pernah benar" mengalami apa yg lo alami, tapi tidak berada di satu komunitas yg "klik" emang bikin setres :''( kl ga nemu jg di perabumulih cari komunitas online gitu mams, ato cari" volunteering programs yg bikin lo jd bertemu dgn orang lain. ato ikt indonesia mengajar gt, lagi buka pendaftaran tuu hehe. pokoknya tetap semangaattt!! mami pasti bisaaa!!!!

    BalasHapus
  2. semangat mami! walau gw ga pernah benar" mengalami apa yg lo alami, tapi tidak berada di satu komunitas yg "klik" emang bikin setres :''( kl ga nemu jg di perabumulih cari komunitas online gitu mams, ato cari" volunteering programs yg bikin lo jd bertemu dgn orang lain. ato ikt indonesia mengajar gt, lagi buka pendaftaran tuu hehe. pokoknya tetap semangaattt!! mami pasti bisaaa!!!!

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. Hahaha iyesss sedih gebsss hahaha
      Gue kirain uda ga ada tea yg mantau blogspot ternyata lo masih eksis jadi maluuu sok keminggris sama curhat wae wkwkkwkw gmn kabar german? Manis gebs? Culik dong ke sanaaaa haahaha

      Hapus